
I have been doing a whole lot of this lately. Trying to organize the mess I have. I started this post with the intention of telling you how I was going to change my coupon method. But the more I think about it I have been trying to organize the mess in my life. I have been really trying to make sense of it all. Why did I have the up bringing that I did? How the stuff that happened as a kid effects me now and my relationships with others. I think of how I would probably be more likable if I was brought up in a loving home and trained well. The wounds from this when I allow myself to think about them seem to much to bear. But I do know this,
19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens.
Selah
20 Our God is a God who saves;
from the Sovereign LORD comes escape from death.
21 Surely God will crush the heads of his enemies,
the hairy crowns of those who go on in their sins.
When I get into the word I almost feel silly for writing the things I do. I mean we have an amazing and awesome God! Because of Him I can escape Death. I have so much more to learn, but I am starting.....starting to turn my hurt into praise. These last 2 years have been really tough and they may even get tougher but I know that God is very real. I am learning that He is the giver and taker of all things. That He does all things so that we may draw near to Him. Boy is this a tough one for me. I grew up with having to do all things for myself and not relying on anyone. It is hard and terrifying to be in a place were (going to get really honest here) I am completely dependent on Him alone. I have been a Christian for 8 years or so and I don't think I have lived that way at all. I also know that I am a person that looks to the future and when it doesn't seem to bright and shinny I start to question God and wonder what he is doing. This verse has been coming to life for me,
Matt 6
34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I am going to try and not fret over what could happen. Because I really don't know. My prayer is that I will focus more on the greatness of God and the good things he has done. Which includes these trials of many kinds.
And on a lighter not....changing my coupon method makes this a lot easier!